I’m going to Lori Nathan’s parole hearing on Thursday. 
Up until I read THIS ARTICLE  I was fine. 
However, reading the article and especially reading the comments from the other victims (kids I knew) etc. brought a lot of memories back and now I’m a little overwhelmed at how …MUCH…this whole thing is.  I am thankful that this article gave me a  ‘heads up’ on the general tone that will be set at the hearing.  25 years later, the victims, the public, the judicial system…everyone is still impacted as if it happened yesterday.

She was awful.  The pictures in the article brought enraging moments of my childhood rushing back.  And yet, God’s grace can cover even her….a child abuser and murderer.  And even me…a sinner just like her.  It’s hard…so hard to understand God’s love despite the constant horror of all our human sin. 

So, if you think of it, please pray for me…to know how to interact with people I haven’t seen in 25 years who are hurt, angry, violated, fragile, lost, broken, scared, sad, etc.  Pray for me to show Christ somehow to everyone.  To the families it won’t be hard, but in an environment where hating Lori Nathan and wanting her to die is considered the ONLY justice… being willing to show her personal (not judicial)  grace, hope and the love of Christ will probably be tricky and very unpopular.  They hate her.  I just want wisdom for knowing when to stay quiet and knowing when to speak.  The DA told me to be prepared to speak my written statement to the board.  In my heart, I truly believe that she should stay in prison until she’s dead…at that point she will contend with the True Judge who will determine her eternal life sentence…I’m actually very nervous for her for that final hearing.

I know God will punish sin.  I know that asking the board to keep her in prison is right and probably totally in-line with God’s will for Lori Nathan.  And I will absolutley do it.  I just want to consider how I do it.  Tone, body language, peace vs. revenge…
I do not struggle with having too much compassion for her.  I struggle with wanting to hate her and join in on chanting the ‘She should die’ party line that she has earned.  However, my understanding of sin (how we all have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God; how not even one of us saved ourselves by our good deeds..or by not committing ‘really’ bad deeds; how my sin, any sin, actually seperated me from God; how the death of the sinless Christ was the only payment that God could accept for my sin) creates a tension that can not be solved with earthly justice, grudges, etc.  I guess that’s what’s so amazing about grace.  I am reminded of the prodigal son and how the ‘good son’ was so angry at the prodigal’s return…I don’t want to be like the ‘good son’.  I don’t want to be self-righteous and consequently be blind to God’s power and love and grace for those who turn back to Him. I don’t know the state of Lori’s soul.  But, I do want to have an internal disposition that’s ready to rejoice if she should ever have the scales lifted from her eyes and see what she’s been given in the death and resurrection of Christ.  The burden of understanding the kind of sin she’s committed, would be, I’m sure, too immense for a truthful and regretful person to bear and admit they’ve done.  I want to be ready to comfort and restore if that’s what the LORD would have happen (knowing that it would enrage all the victims if ‘one of them’, I, showed a disposition of forgiveness).  Let’s be honest, her conversion’s probably not going to happen on my watch, but I hope that there comes a day when I hear that she, the prodigal child abuser, has confessed, repented and is now saved, and that on that day my heart would be joyous and not vindictive and angry like the ‘good brother’s’ was.
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IN addition to praying for me, please feel free to email the Gov (who has final rule over granting parole).  Email and ask him to deny the parole request of Elenoar Nathan  http://gov.ca.gov/interact#email.
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Well, it’s heavy and major and I have to get back to preparing the wedding rehearsal notes of the rehearsal that I’ll be conducting after the parole hearing.  Grace…I need it.